fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
