OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
