Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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