Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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