i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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