I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
