dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
