I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
