She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
