Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
