:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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