haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
