Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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