My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
