thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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