At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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