We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
