and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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