Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
is it fun? or sober?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
