I'm gonna have a badass scar
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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