why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
