So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
