hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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