he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize