The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
