Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
