Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
