I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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