I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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