She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
