apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
