The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
