The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
