Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
