i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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