conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There r osticjed everywhere
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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