What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
