I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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