Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Boobs are out for the taking
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
