dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
