DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
