Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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