why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
