I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
