I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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