i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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