if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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