What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
