On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
