i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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