Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
