i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
