it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
