good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize