You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
