sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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