I just cut my nipple shaving
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
