im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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