Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
