Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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