What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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