Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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