a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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