Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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