very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
