he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize