I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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