Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
