tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
operation have a gay friend backfired
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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