I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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