Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
