I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
