Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So apparently I’m into choking now
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